Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Rainchecks
Dope used to take many a “raincheck” on our proposed outings, so much so that I lost count. The ratio might well be fifty rainchecks is to one outing. I hated the uncertainty and last minute cancellations due to a sudden assault of work on his end as with the volatility of the financial markets.
I now begin to appreciate the beauty of this concept. Taking rainchecks on proposed outings meant that there is a projection that a particular missed appointment is expected to take place in the future, albeit the uncertainty of when exactly. There is at least still that glimmer of hope that it will happen...
****
I haven't seen Dope since May 2008. The last we met I was leaving Sydney for my relocation back to Singapore and I bade him farewell. It was the only time we met that year.
Our slightly-more-than- a- year grey arrangement lasted until 2006.
That was it.
The undercurrent from the meaningful glances we stole at each other whilst we walked past with our respective partners at university culminated to this joint experience .
It was six years later on that fateful night as young working professionals, we bummed into each other on the bus from Sydney to Sad Town. The rest was history.
****
And now we are history. Of a different kind.
Too many rainchecks, too much going on, our going ons petered out.
A dear friend he is to me and I know vice versa too.
I could always count on him for professional help.
In hindsight, I reckon we were both not fit for erotic love for each other. We were loyal in being there to help each other, almost dutiful. Perhaps we were good as friends.
****
Two weeks ago, I suddenly remembered it was his birthday the next day. I thought I should pop him an email to see how he was getting on.
I hadn't been in touch since I left for Singapore in June last year. He would have no idea that I was back in Australia since we hadn't been moving around the social circle of uni friends in Sad Town. He is private as I am anti-social.
The email bounced and I thought perhaps I could send him a text instead.
Pleasantly surprised he was. Told me he got retrenched a couple of months ago and did some travelling after that. He had been wondering how I was getting on and was amazed that I still kept the same number having left the country.
Perhaps, I know I would return, I told him over the phone.
Surprised, are you? I chirped my usual cheerful sunshine P-style way that subdued Dope is used to.
Anyhow, I suggested we should perhaps catch up soon, either when he gets back to Sad Town or if I happened to be in Sydney.
We left it as that.
We had so many rainchecks all these years, I almost believe we will meet up someday but not soon enough.
It was okay since I am no longer hung up about him.
Dopey is and always has been a dear old friend.
****
A week passed.
Out of the blue last Thursday, I received his sms.
What are you doing with urself these days?
Strange question. He has never texted me out of the blue.
Knowing him, Dopey was never spontaneous. It even bothered on being suggestive coming from someone like him.
I dismissed that thought and went about doing my own stuff.
Hours later, I replied about how I am never really alone these days as I have so much to sort out with DL on our impending business, me getting back into making my on fashion creations and my meditation. I happened to be in Sydney the following Friday and was available to catch up until 4.30pm and suggested meeting up if he was free.
No reply.
****
The following day, an sms came through.
Excellent. You want to do something outdoors or indoors?
I felt a bit funny and showed the text to Daisy. We both figured maybe I was being a little paranoid. I mean, indoors could mean having a meal or catching a movie and outdoors hanging out at the cafe or maybe we could head out to the beach and sit at the cafe al fresca right?
Up to you. What have you in mind?:)
(I specfically added a more benign smiley face instead of a cheeky winkey.)
Just wanting to know if I need to clean up my apartment or not...
Jaws dropped. Both Daisy and me. I felt really (not quite really) funny this time.
But then again, I was wondering if he was thinking of inviting me to his apartment to hang out. I remember he had a housemate in the last place he lived (if he was still living there).
I decided to meditate on this one and not reply.
Then came another message.
Basically I'm wondering when ur period is. I've matured a lot since the last time we met...;p
Oh, so now he was propositioning me?
This was the first time Dopey had been so forthright.
I used to wear the pants in our relationship.
*****
2006- flashback!
One drunken night, with B in the room and slammed onto the couch of the hotel room, I went down on him.
Like a virgin boy, he watched me, part aroused, part unsure how he should return the favour.
His then girl-next-door girlfriend has never given him a head job. He was blown away. No pun intended.
**
Too many times, my advances in the form of explicit erotic tennis via work emails were left as they were. He wanted me to make it dirtier each time (perhaps to serve as wanking fodder for his own private-trip-to-the-toilet during office hours). So my serve gets hotter and harder but most of the time, my said Opponent played poorly and weakly. He remained resilient and almost cowardly for things to eventuate.
I was the sort of lover who loved to ravage a man. I didn't know how to play that coy virgin girl. So come fuck me or I would be gone. My attention span can only last as long as when I am having an orgasm.
He wasn't putting out for me.
He was self-conscious.
“You know I haven't been with that many girls...” he used to mumble off-handedly.
Every so often, his elusive self will remind me about how he always fantasized about me from our uni days. He never forgotten about how flexible I was at the beach.
I didn't like someone who becomes too much a teaser. All talk no action.
Shouldn't a man be more hot-blooded than a woman?
****
Last Friday, I was away on a supposedly romantic getaway trip with DL to celebrate our eight or nine year (if we didn't minus the break up of 2007/8 that lasted about a year).
Over an expensive dinner, we quarreled. We both had a bit too much to drink and somehow it led to a few things and then the mention of the Old Boy once more.
After paying the bill, DL walked out on me.
I wandered sadly back to our own hotel room in a new city.
To cut the long story short, as if someone up there wanted to deal another blow on me, my key card to the room could not work. As the reservation was made under DL's name, I was stranded and left to wait for his return at the lobby.
Strangely in my tipsily emotional state, I thought about Dopey and the unanswered sms.
The day before, I texted something and had Daisy vet over my message. She didn't know what to do and was already feeling bad for Dopey. So I decided to save it in my draft and leave it on the backburner to be carefully edited at some stage for sending off.
****
That night, my argument with DL triggered something.
No more hiding behind smoke mirrors.
I do what is right for DL and for myself.
Perhaps my Old Boy saga had too taken a toil on my frail heart. Kiss my past behind.
I decided to send off my text reply.
Hi dopey, I hv too grown but a diff way n at another stage in my life. There r some experiences that I am no longer interested in partaking. But dun take it the wrong way.
*****
Next day.
Hehe. Good to hear. I was drunk and randy as hell when I wrote that. Phew! Situation avoided. Still free for friday however:p
So we are both good. I am glad.
The very first out of the blue text took place in the afternoon. My feelers were up, knowing him.
Later that night, he lended his Dutch Courage to make forthcoming propositions.
Whatever it is, what matters is we are still friends.
I replied I will be in touch when the date draws closer.
*****
In two days' time, some of the long overdue rainchecks will be met in one meeting albeit very much different in its nature now.
**
Once upon a time, we had some pretty nice moments together...
After each rendezvous, I dreaded the rainchecks to come.
When would be our next time?
*****
I still think taking a raincheck is good.
It makes one hopeful to be reunited with a very dear one. Or perhaps it helps to hold off making some decisions that may not go down too well in the longer term.
However, there are also some rainchecks are better written off as bad debts.
Time to let go off some past.
We must all move with the times, mustn't we?
Dope used to take many a “raincheck” on our proposed outings, so much so that I lost count. The ratio might well be fifty rainchecks is to one outing. I hated the uncertainty and last minute cancellations due to a sudden assault of work on his end as with the volatility of the financial markets.
I now begin to appreciate the beauty of this concept. Taking rainchecks on proposed outings meant that there is a projection that a particular missed appointment is expected to take place in the future, albeit the uncertainty of when exactly. There is at least still that glimmer of hope that it will happen...
****
I haven't seen Dope since May 2008. The last we met I was leaving Sydney for my relocation back to Singapore and I bade him farewell. It was the only time we met that year.
Our slightly-more-than- a- year grey arrangement lasted until 2006.
That was it.
The undercurrent from the meaningful glances we stole at each other whilst we walked past with our respective partners at university culminated to this joint experience .
It was six years later on that fateful night as young working professionals, we bummed into each other on the bus from Sydney to Sad Town. The rest was history.
****
And now we are history. Of a different kind.
Too many rainchecks, too much going on, our going ons petered out.
A dear friend he is to me and I know vice versa too.
I could always count on him for professional help.
In hindsight, I reckon we were both not fit for erotic love for each other. We were loyal in being there to help each other, almost dutiful. Perhaps we were good as friends.
****
Two weeks ago, I suddenly remembered it was his birthday the next day. I thought I should pop him an email to see how he was getting on.
I hadn't been in touch since I left for Singapore in June last year. He would have no idea that I was back in Australia since we hadn't been moving around the social circle of uni friends in Sad Town. He is private as I am anti-social.
The email bounced and I thought perhaps I could send him a text instead.
Pleasantly surprised he was. Told me he got retrenched a couple of months ago and did some travelling after that. He had been wondering how I was getting on and was amazed that I still kept the same number having left the country.
Perhaps, I know I would return, I told him over the phone.
Surprised, are you? I chirped my usual cheerful sunshine P-style way that subdued Dope is used to.
Anyhow, I suggested we should perhaps catch up soon, either when he gets back to Sad Town or if I happened to be in Sydney.
We left it as that.
We had so many rainchecks all these years, I almost believe we will meet up someday but not soon enough.
It was okay since I am no longer hung up about him.
Dopey is and always has been a dear old friend.
****
A week passed.
Out of the blue last Thursday, I received his sms.
What are you doing with urself these days?
Strange question. He has never texted me out of the blue.
Knowing him, Dopey was never spontaneous. It even bothered on being suggestive coming from someone like him.
I dismissed that thought and went about doing my own stuff.
Hours later, I replied about how I am never really alone these days as I have so much to sort out with DL on our impending business, me getting back into making my on fashion creations and my meditation. I happened to be in Sydney the following Friday and was available to catch up until 4.30pm and suggested meeting up if he was free.
No reply.
****
The following day, an sms came through.
Excellent. You want to do something outdoors or indoors?
I felt a bit funny and showed the text to Daisy. We both figured maybe I was being a little paranoid. I mean, indoors could mean having a meal or catching a movie and outdoors hanging out at the cafe or maybe we could head out to the beach and sit at the cafe al fresca right?
Up to you. What have you in mind?:)
(I specfically added a more benign smiley face instead of a cheeky winkey.)
Just wanting to know if I need to clean up my apartment or not...
Jaws dropped. Both Daisy and me. I felt really (not quite really) funny this time.
But then again, I was wondering if he was thinking of inviting me to his apartment to hang out. I remember he had a housemate in the last place he lived (if he was still living there).
I decided to meditate on this one and not reply.
Then came another message.
Basically I'm wondering when ur period is. I've matured a lot since the last time we met...;p
Oh, so now he was propositioning me?
This was the first time Dopey had been so forthright.
I used to wear the pants in our relationship.
*****
2006- flashback!
One drunken night, with B in the room and slammed onto the couch of the hotel room, I went down on him.
Like a virgin boy, he watched me, part aroused, part unsure how he should return the favour.
His then girl-next-door girlfriend has never given him a head job. He was blown away. No pun intended.
**
Too many times, my advances in the form of explicit erotic tennis via work emails were left as they were. He wanted me to make it dirtier each time (perhaps to serve as wanking fodder for his own private-trip-to-the-toilet during office hours). So my serve gets hotter and harder but most of the time, my said Opponent played poorly and weakly. He remained resilient and almost cowardly for things to eventuate.
I was the sort of lover who loved to ravage a man. I didn't know how to play that coy virgin girl. So come fuck me or I would be gone. My attention span can only last as long as when I am having an orgasm.
He wasn't putting out for me.
He was self-conscious.
“You know I haven't been with that many girls...” he used to mumble off-handedly.
Every so often, his elusive self will remind me about how he always fantasized about me from our uni days. He never forgotten about how flexible I was at the beach.
I didn't like someone who becomes too much a teaser. All talk no action.
Shouldn't a man be more hot-blooded than a woman?
****
Last Friday, I was away on a supposedly romantic getaway trip with DL to celebrate our eight or nine year (if we didn't minus the break up of 2007/8 that lasted about a year).
Over an expensive dinner, we quarreled. We both had a bit too much to drink and somehow it led to a few things and then the mention of the Old Boy once more.
After paying the bill, DL walked out on me.
I wandered sadly back to our own hotel room in a new city.
To cut the long story short, as if someone up there wanted to deal another blow on me, my key card to the room could not work. As the reservation was made under DL's name, I was stranded and left to wait for his return at the lobby.
Strangely in my tipsily emotional state, I thought about Dopey and the unanswered sms.
The day before, I texted something and had Daisy vet over my message. She didn't know what to do and was already feeling bad for Dopey. So I decided to save it in my draft and leave it on the backburner to be carefully edited at some stage for sending off.
****
That night, my argument with DL triggered something.
No more hiding behind smoke mirrors.
I do what is right for DL and for myself.
Perhaps my Old Boy saga had too taken a toil on my frail heart. Kiss my past behind.
I decided to send off my text reply.
Hi dopey, I hv too grown but a diff way n at another stage in my life. There r some experiences that I am no longer interested in partaking. But dun take it the wrong way.
*****
Next day.
Hehe. Good to hear. I was drunk and randy as hell when I wrote that. Phew! Situation avoided. Still free for friday however:p
So we are both good. I am glad.
The very first out of the blue text took place in the afternoon. My feelers were up, knowing him.
Later that night, he lended his Dutch Courage to make forthcoming propositions.
Whatever it is, what matters is we are still friends.
I replied I will be in touch when the date draws closer.
*****
In two days' time, some of the long overdue rainchecks will be met in one meeting albeit very much different in its nature now.
**
Once upon a time, we had some pretty nice moments together...
After each rendezvous, I dreaded the rainchecks to come.
When would be our next time?
*****
I still think taking a raincheck is good.
It makes one hopeful to be reunited with a very dear one. Or perhaps it helps to hold off making some decisions that may not go down too well in the longer term.
However, there are also some rainchecks are better written off as bad debts.
Time to let go off some past.
We must all move with the times, mustn't we?
